Downpoint

So far in Vienna I have been doing very well.  Easily accepting differences and trying new things.

Today I am not feeling well, might be getting a cold.  Talked to my sister for the first time after I left her place in Missoula.  I also heard the news from Taiwan about my grandpa.  He passed away today.

I suddenly feel so far away and exhausted and have no more energy to deal with my roommates, German homework, and every little things that is not perfect.

I know I have tried to avoid talking too much with my sister and family because I think that will make me think too much and possibly miss them... well, compared to my roommates, I really haven't been contacting the States, or Taiwan, that much at all.  But now, the negative effect is really getting me.  I cannot go to my 95 year-old grandpa's funeral, nor can my sister, nor my two cousins, who are in London now.  It's Chinese New Year in ten days.  I have never really minded being away for Chinese New Year, or at least I have been good at keeping myself busy enough to avoid thinking about it, and it's been six years since I have had a real Chinese New Year, but now...

I have to be strong.